THE 3 THINGS YOU NEED TO DO AS A PARENT BEFORE YOUR SENIOR GOES TO COLLEGE!

Last time I wrote about the frustration a mother felt about the fact that her 23 year old did not have a job, and did not have any idea what he wanted to do. I too felt frustrated for her and for her child.

But lately I have been feeling even more uncomfortable as I listen to parents of high school seniors. (Mind you I am one of them.)

So here is how the conversation goes. “My daughter STILL does not know what she wants to do. She thinks she wants to go into special education but she is not sure. She thinks she likes helping people.” Or… “My son is thinking medicine, a doctor, since he likes science”. And today a student told me that he definitely wants to be a lawyer because he thinks he argues well. He also said, when asked, that he does not know what it takes, what the job is all about, etc… but HE KNOWS he wants to enter that profession.


I sit there or sometimes stand there and listen and say to myself, or sometimes blurt out “Duh!” How can she know what she wants to do? What exposure has she had? How many doctors or special educators has he shadowed, or even spoken to? Has he sought to learn the ins and outs of the field he is considering? Does she know what it will take, and if she really could be good at it or maybe even like or love it? Have they done the self-exploration to get to know themselves well? How could he have more than an inkling about each career option without real, live experiences? (Read my earlier blog for more on this topic).

For most, having a vague idea about what career path they want to follow Is what they hope for. (“Yes, there ARE some kids that may know but that is a very small percentage.)

Parents there are 3 things you need to do:

1. Help your child see the value of learning more about themselves, what they have liked since childhood, what they do naturally well, what they have showed interest and excitement about.

2. Let your child know there are so many possibilities of careers, hundreds of options out there in the big world. Tell them to create a list of at least five different options that interest them and have them research and begin to explore as much as they can about those careers on the internet.

3. Help them to connect to 5 people you know, or a friend knows, who are in the careers they just may want to learn more about, so they can learn first hand some of the real details, just to get a sense of how the process of discovery could work.

Ultimately, your child will need to begin to dig deeper. This is extremely important. Choosing a career ultimately will be one of their biggest decisions in his or her life.

It seems that most parents just want their kids to make a choice, and have some clarity right out of high school, but they must know that no one is teaching the kids how to figure this out.

So when a parent says to themselves, or to their kid, “Don’t make the mistakes I did”, they (the parents) have to think about what that really means.

I am sure one of the reasons is that the self-exploration, or research and preparation did not happen.

Senior year of high school is really too early to possibly ‘know’ for most kids. Most are not ready to think about it too much. But it is important to begin the process of learning about themselves. It may even inform what schools they choose to apply to.

So, instead of pressing your 18 year old senior to ‘decide’ what he or she wants to do, show them, tell them, the value of self exploration. Explain to them the value of using a step-by-step process for discovering themselves and what they may like or love to do, what they are naturally good at, and ultimately what they can be very successful at.

They need not waste their years and MONEY in college (and when they get out.) THEY NEED TO BEGIN TO DO THEIR HOMEWORK NOW, on themselves, to have some focus when they start school. Just let them know, they don’t need to ‘KNOW’ yet; just developing inner focus will help them during freshman year and beyond!