DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A GIFT THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS?

It’s a curious thing. Most people search for self-knowledge, for their place in the world, to try to make sense of the world and try to figure out how to feel happy, fulfilled, and balanced. As most of us approach (or have already approached) college age, and then graduation, we are learning about and exploring what we may be interested in; what we may be VERY interested in. Then we discover some of our talents, we develop skills, and become aware of many of them. And through this searching process, we attempt to put the pieces together (maybe) of what we may want to do for a career. We try to think about what our ‘dream job’ could look like. YET, the interesting thing is, it seems to me that most of us do not know that we have one unique gift, one that we were born with, one that—when discovered—is an AHA moment that I would call exhilarating. And this is the opening to clarity we have been searching for.
Our gift, our one UNIQUE gift, is not the same as many of the gifts, or talents or skills we may have already uncovered.
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A Parent's Dilemna: How Can I Help My High School Senior When He Barely Talks to Me?

Every kid matures differently. And each one of us has different relationships with our high school children. Yet every parent wants their child to excel in college, and in life, of course.

That is the common goal that inspires us to help you determine what we can do to increase your child’s chances to get on the right career track. A career track that will lead to the successes that breed balance, fulfillment and financial rewards commensurate with an ultimate lifestyle of their choice.

So what do we do? First, let’s look at the ‘common’ psyche of most seniors in high school. Their junior and early senior years are all about tests, applications, and essays. The remainder of their senior year becomes an anxious waiting period for their acceptance to schools.

So, they have anxiety while they wait to hear which colleges have accepted them. And they have anxiety about leaving high school for the ‘unknown’— even if they don’t verbalize it.

Typically, kids at this age are also feeling burned out and want to “just finish high school already!” They have been forced, because of societal pressures, peer pressures, and parental concerns, to think about and focus on college for what may seem like forever to them at this point. We all know that high school has become so much about college ‘prep’. So our high school students want to move on. They want to go to college! So, by the time they reach senior year they likely don’t want to hear from us parents about more planning. They finished their SATs, ACTs (or both) and their school applications are in the mail. Now they would love to chill, if that is even slightly possible.

So, trying to convince them how important it is to determine what they ‘want to do when they grow up’ is, at the very least, asking A LOT. They have been told over and over to think about what they ‘want to do’, but for various reasons, most have no idea. One significant reason is they have not been exposed to much at this early age. Yet, we know that not knowing what your child wants to do in life can impact his or her entire future.

Well, we need to slow down.

This is their least educable moment. They may not have the mindset, maturity, experiences, or exposure to ‘figure it out’ just yet. Most don’t even know what they want to major in—most likely they will change their ideas for their major multiple times. According to MSNBC, “50 percent of those who declare a major, change majors — with many doing so two and three times during their college years.” Most kids just want us to back off. They say, “I know what I am doing.” (Have you heard that from your child?)

A brilliant psychologist friend of mine made an interesting analogy. He said that the time right before our ‘young adults’ take off for college is comparable to the six months before marriage.

“It is a non-teachable time period. Here is how it goes,” he said.

You are engaged to be married. You made the decision-that you want to marry this person. You plan the date, or even the wedding. Yet, your parent or rabbi or pastor wants to talk with you about your decision. They see the road you are about to go down and they want to highlight their concerns, or give you things to think about further. They may think you are not ready, or that this is not the right person for you. So, this parent, rabbi or pastor is trying to give you advice because they care. Are you listening? Really? Probably not. Especially if you ‘are sure’ this is what you want to do.

The analogy is that it is very hard to engage your child in any process (intense or not) that will help determine their ideal career track or major during the time right before college. EVEN if they sense it is the right thing to do.

So here are my suggestions.

1. Allow your child to go to college undeclared.
2. Defer your input about their making an immediate decision for a focused major.
3. Keep in mind that freshman year is the 1st year of independence they have ever really experienced. They will be testing all kinds of things and will need the time to grow and mature and begin to think and live on their own.

Here is my planning recommendation:

If you have a sense there is value and great importance of using a well-defined ‘process’ to determine your child’s ideal career track, just as there is for determining the best school to apply to, or the best process to apply for actual jobs, here is a good place to start.

Just help your child start with a career assessment (contact me for suggestions) to get more clarity for him or her before college begins. While no quiz or assessment gives the full picture, it is a valuable start. This will go miles in preventing total floundering during one’s freshman year at college. It will open the door to self-exploration, which for numerous reasons, is not as commonplace as you might think during the college experience. And it is this self-exploration that our kids feel too time pressured to do in college (ask any of them), but they desperately need to get on the right track.

To ultimately “Do What They Love and Love What They Do,” to create a road map for financial and personal success they need direction, support, and the opportunity for self-awareness. Have them start a small piece of the process early. The pay off is big. Like saving a 5th year of college expenses for one.

One Way to Change the World

It has occurred to me for a very long time that the world could be a much better place for all of us if everyone had a career where they do what they love and love what they do. Why?

Because our world consists of the people we surround ourselves with. So imagine if your circle was a bunch of up-spirited, content, fulfilled individuals, making a contribution to the world in a way they loved to.

Think of it this way. We all impact the people around us. We can either inspire those around us or we can bring them down. We can teach or share with people, the pearls of wisdom or joy we know that they may not, or we can mope around being critical of others and the world around us, and emit that negative energy to those who communicate with us.

So, as I said, imagine what it would feel like if we were surrounded by happy people, fulfilled and balanced people, who truly loved the 40+ hours of their week, who really felt like work was play. And imagine if we were one of those people. The conversations would be elevated, and energetic and more fun, more often.

I heard actor Sam Waterston (Law and Order) being interviewed recently. I am paraphrasing, but when he was asked how he feels about his work as an actor, he said, “It’s not work, it is just playing for long hours.” When I hear that I get inspired. I want that for me, and for those around me. What a life, what a world it would be if we— and everyone around us— could be contributing positively to this planet through our work, while feeling balanced, fulfilled and even joyful at the same time.

That’s a change I’d love to see in our world. You?